January 20, 2012

Bob and Miranda

So there's this kid, Bob.  Bob says he's 18, but he looks more like 4.  And his best friend is this grown woman named Miranda.  Bob's mom threw him out of a window, naked, with no parachute and his teacher wrote a tell-all book about it, so Bob asked his mom if he could move in with Miranda and be home schooled at her house.  This meant he was safe from being thrown naked out of a window with no parachute and that he wouldn't have to deal with that nosy teacher and her tabloid writing ways anymore.  And Bob's mom, Heather, said yes.  

Bob likes it at Miranda's house because he can hang out with her kids Hunter and Hannah Jane and help keep them busy when Miranda cooks.  He lets Hunter pretend to be his pet dragon and Hunter really likes that.  He can listen to Hannah Jane read her chapter books and report back to Miranda that her daughter isn't slacking.  Bob does Hunter's school work with him.  Not because at age 18 he really needs to learn first grader stuff, but because he knows it makes Hunter feel good to have an older pal to look up to.

Have you caught on yet?  A week or so ago Haven came in the bathroom while I was rolling my hair and said, "Hey, mom, let's pretend we're friends.  Okay?"  "But we are friends already."  "No mom!  We're family that like each other a lot.  I mean let's be friends that aren't family.  I'll be Bob.  Who are you going to be?"  "Well, I guess I'll be Miranda then."  And that's how it all began.  Haven's alter ego, Bob was born.

Over the next few days, Bob would show up at breakfast.  Hannah Jane and Hunter would ask why he was at our house instead of his.  That's when we learned about his mom and the naked, no parachute incident.  LOL!  When he said that his teacher wrote a book about it, Hannah Jane said, "Wow.  I bet that embarrassed your mom for the whole world to read about her bad behavior in a book!"  And that's when Bob told us that he had gotten permission to drop out of school and move in with us.  He looked Miranda in the eyes and said, "I could help out with your kids.  You know?  Make sure they're on task and keep an eye on things."  He tried giving Miranda's kids new names and ages too, but they liked their names and ages, so he had no choice but to overlook their lack of creativity.

We've all realized that Bob will do just about anything as a favor to Miranda.  She's so much nicer to deal with than his mom, Heather, but I'm sure you've read the book.  Hannah Jane will say, "Bob, will  you walk me out to feed the dogs?  Miranda is busy."  And he goes!  Had we asked Haven to help feed the dogs, he'd have said no.  Bob is much more amenable than Haven.  And for that, we really like having Bob around.

Maybe this is the first step into multiple personalities, land.  But I think it's pretty adorable and as long as Bob is well behaved, we'll let him stay.  We like him more than Luke, Buzz, or the original alter ego, Dustin.  And it's a lot less stressful than when Hannah Jane was his age and her imaginary friends would get together and play only to exclude her.  You have no idea how many hours I spent wondering what emotional trauma caused her to have mean imaginary friends that would play in her room and kick her out.  I must have driven her preschool teacher crazy.  "Is something going on at school?  Is she being bullied?  This just seems like really weird 4 year old behavior if something's not going on."  But it wasn't.  Apparently she just had so little drama in her real life that she needed to imagine some.  Anyway, Bob is so much easier to deal with than imaginary rude kids!  Ha!  Hunter just likes to play Momma Bear and Baby Bear all day every day.  This requires absolutely no effort on my part because apparently Momma bears don't growl or anything.  They simply refer to their kid as Baby Bear while they do regular human stuff like phonics and making banana bread.

So now you know Bob, who actually just came in and said, "What are you typing?"  I said, "I'm blogging about Bob and Miranda."  His eye's lit up.  "Did you tell everyone about that book his teacher wrote?"  "Yes, Bob.  They know everything."


  1. Ted Taylor20.1.12

    I love it! Tell them I am looking forward to seeing Hannah Jane, Hunter, Bob along with Joe and Miranda this summer!

  2. karyne23.1.12

    I really enjoyed this blog (and the others too but this was extra). I thought of Bob especially during my day.

  3. We're all looking forward to it too, Ted! And I'm relieved that your comment didn't include a multiple personality disorder diagnosis :)


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